And sometimes, yes, I’d beg for it— he’d make me beg: Shy moon, why shy tonight? I heard the geese before I saw them again this morning— this time, flying north. Above them, thunderheads like doomed zeppelins, like whales when sounding, though they brought no rain. That’s how I used to write, insisting on ordinary things being somehow more than that, that they had to mean something, the way disruption can punctuate with meaning an established pattern, or as when finding out one’s silence has been mistaken for arrogance or, worse, indifference, when all you meant was to be kind—retreat, not exile; less the monsters, than how we lived beside them, our lives not leaves not trash on an updraft that at random carries them then refuses them, can a wind refuse. And yet… Shy moon -- As if doing what we’d always done were enough to be grateful for, as if to keep doing it were itself to be grateful. You just forgot, that’s all. It’s harder not to forget. How the yard gave way like a ragged imperative to a forest of scrub-pines and oak, mostly, how a stand of ferns there almost looked, from above, like a boat of shadows, coming at last unmoored, and the forest a sea—that endless-seeming, that steeped in night-dark, beg for it, why shy tonight? |
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