Blessed are You, Force of the Universe

 Blessed are You, Force of the Universe

For creating me with anxiety.

You shaped me from a billion years of stardust

And breathed anxiety through my nostrils

And for that I give thanks.

I bless and thank my Anxiety Disorder for keeping me safe.

You make yourself known when you have an important message for me,

And at times in my life when I was not taking care of or valuing myself, and not listening to you,

You made yourself heard by shutting down my life so I’d have to stop and listen:

You did this by sending intrusive thoughts and a racing heart

Until all I could do was sit on my couch, an island of refuge I was terrified to leave

And all I could do was listen.

And because of your extreme measures — though unpleasant — I was able to start to take care of myself and honor my value:

I finally started therapy.

I left the relationship in which I was not treated according to my worth.

I turned away from other toxic relationships and focused on manifesting shalom, peace.

I paid more attention to what I wanted and to making my dreams a reality.

I learned more about my identity and built a relationship with myself that I sorely needed.

I did teshuvah, a repentant turning back

To myself.

I used to fear and despise you, but now I know that you are a part of me;

A confused golem in a corner of my brain, doing its best to protect me,

For that is what it was created to do.

Desperately trying to keep me safe

Out of love.

And now that I have learned to stop and listen to the message behind the feeling, I have learned to work with you rather than against you.

I have learned that caring for myself is the key to caring for you.

And have realized your messages are messages from Shamayim, Heaven.

You are malach sheli, my guardian angel.

For all of this, I thank and bless you, Anxiety Disorder.

Amen