Thursday, January 26, 2023

The Dinosaur at Old Faithful by: Albert Whipple Hadley

 

A Dinosaur reared to his uttermost height
and stiffened his ninety-foot spine;
His tail struck an angle of fifty degrees
and he leaned on a neighboring pine.
"In the name of the dead, what can this be,"
he said, examining what he had found,
Then sniffed at a column of steam as it rose
from a curious place in the ground.
"By Golly, I've traveled this region for years,"
said he as he noticed the heat,
"But here's a sensation, surprisingly new,
and a wonderful place for a seat."
"The rank competition for food," he exclaimed,
"at the Tropics is fierce to behold;
This winter I'll tarry where feeding is good
and hang around here when it's cold."

 

Now a Dinosaur's length--say a medium length--
was a matter of ninety-odd feet,
Yet he drew his great carcass of eight or ten tons
and centered it over the heat.
Our scientists tell us this stretchy old beast
was blessed with a triplicate brain,
For relaying thoughts to his far-away skull
where "Brain Number One" did obtain.
"Number Two" was ensconsed near the base of his neck
to function, should "Number One" fail,
While "Brain Number Three" was far down the line
near the roots of his 40-foot tail.
The art of transmission of thought at that time,
was quite elemental and rough;
The system was built on the single-track plan;
one thought at a time was enough.

 

The Dinosaur soon was asleep at the switch
or rather asleep on the whole,
Dreaming only regarding the heavenly heat
that tickled the depths of his soul.
Far down in the primitive crust of the earth,
too far to express it in feet,
Was a spring of hot water, dependent we know
on a source of interior heat.
In fact it was a sort of a safety-valve vent
of the devil's invention 'twould seem,
And the janitor finding a weight on the lid,
turned on the full pressure of steam.
The Dinosaur's hide, though roughly immune
to feelings that humans acquire,
Picked up an impression through "Brain Number Three"
that part of him must be afire.

 

So out o'er the single-track system they hurried
a warning that something was wrong!
"We're sitting on something that's damnably hot;
please forward this message along!"
The warning then slowly meandered its way
down the slope of the Dinosaur's spine,
But the Grand Central Bureau at "Brain Number One"
was lost in a slumber divine.
Tradition maintains that an hour elapsed
while the devil's steam pressure increased.
When suddenly "Brain Number One" got the word
and ordered the "sitting" released.
The safety valve weighted with eight or ten tons,
was a circumstance much to be feared;
But nevertheless an explosion occured
and the Dinosaur--disappeared!

 

In spite of the bulk of the weighty old cuss
and the fact he was triplicate brained,
Except a few bones which are still to be found,
there scarcely a relic remained.
This happened some thousands of years in the past,
still since that miraculous hour,
"Old Faithful" has lifted its flood to the skies
with awful and infinite power.
The causes explaining the hourly event
no longer are locally sought--
'Twas only the Dinosaur trying that hour
to line up his system of thought.
The story, however, is hopelessly mixed,
so all that you need to retain,
Is the funny old Dinosaur plugging the vent,
and the tale of his triplicate brain.

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